What it means to be an ally

I have these friends, Chris & Melissa, who happen to pastor an evangelical church in my small conservative home town. They are an amazing couple who I became friends with through my old blog and after I was already out as trans.

Chris and Melissa are the most real and genuinely accepting couple I’ve ever met. My now 21 year old Mak, who is agender, used to babysit for them sometimes. Melissa has a dayhome and while she was going for midwife appointments when she was expecting her last baby, Mak would babysit her dayhome kids and facilitate their pick up times. I recently reached out to Melissa to ask permission to share a story about this time.

Is Mak a boy or a girl?

One day a parent says to Melissa “I don’t mean to be rude but is Mak a boy or a girl?”
Melissa’s response “the fact that you can’t tell is actually the point. Mak is non binary.”

A spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine. Identities that are outside the gender binary.

The parent “don’t you think this is something you should have told us?”
Melissa “nope, I don’t see how their gender has any impact on their ability to babysit.
Then Melissa chose to send a mass email to her dayhome parents saying:

“Because it’s come up, I’m letting you all know that Mak is non binary, they use they/them pronouns. We love and appreciate Mak so much and there’s no one we trust more with our kids.”
All of the parents responded positively saying they thought Mak was great and that their kids all love Mak and speak highly of them ☺️

More to the story

When I reached out to Melissa the other day, she shared a few more details.

After hearing this, the one parent who had an issue with Mak being non binary chose to have her child picked up early to avoid seeing Mak. And a few months later she stopped bringing her child to Melissa’s home altogether.

My thoughts

Back when Melissa first told me this story I asked her why she didn’t just tell the parent that Mak was assigned female at birth (AFAB) just to alleviate her concerns, even if just a little bit. Melissa stood her ground that there was no need to know anything more about Mak’s gender than she had already shared because it had absolutely no impact on who Mak is as a person and their ability to babysit.

I thought I knew what an ally was

Before meeting Melissa and Chris, I thought an ally was someone who didn’t openly hate me or my family, but they’ve raised the bar and taught me what it truly means to be an ally. Being an ally requires action. You’re going to be challenged. You’re going to be pushed outside your comfort zone. To be an ally you’re going to have to take risks and make sacrifices to stand up for the LGBTQ+ community.

Ally is a verb, much like love ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Are you ready to be an ally?

Do you have a transgender child? Are you ready to be their biggest ally? Let me support you as you become the person your child needs as they learn to navigate our world as their authentic self!

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