Disclaimer

If you are diagnosed with depression, I see you, I’m not judging you. I hope you’re finding the support you need so that you can live your best life ❤️

What is a wallower?

A wallower to me is someone who indulges in self-pity and blames everyone else for their lack in life.

I know what it means to lack and I have also experienced abundance in my life.

I honestly think that’s how life works. Everything is 50/50. Some good and bad. Nobody has misfortune 100% of the time and no one experiences abundance in all areas of their lives all the time.

Now I’m not saying there aren’t privileged and underprivileged but as I said, I’ve experienced both and I have learnt from both. I’ve witnessed this “woe is me” attitude in people who are quite affluent and I’ve conversed with a homeless man who was filled with positivity and light. So in my opinion, one’s bank account balance is rather inconsequential on this matter.

The most important thing I’ve learnt from the different times throughout my life when I had less than most, my attitude during those times hugely impacted my quality of life.

I’ve been accused of toxic positivity and at the time I really took it to heart as I do most things.

What is toxic positivity?

The following chart gives some great examples of toxic positivity vs. non toxic and accepting statements.

Looking back to a time when I was less aware of my privilege, I can see where I was toxically positive on occasion. A conversation with a friend recently brought this to light for me.

After a difficult week dealing with transphobia, gaslighting and having my reputation smeared by someone I considered a friend, someone I trusted and respected, I was urged to look on the bright side and to keep my chin up and remember that these things always pass. I felt appalled by this advice. Transphobia, gaslighting and other abusive behaviours are not things to be made light of. And at that moment it struck me that I have probably responded this way to others and I hope that I will be more aware now not to give such advice again.

I believe that I am an optimistic realist. If there’s a bright side or a silver lining, I do my best to focus on them but I also know that our world is full of hate and injustice and those things can not be brushed aside with a feel good quote. But another thing I believe with my whole being is that your thoughts create your actions and therefore greatly influence your life. I had to make the choice to let this person whom I considered a friend go.

I had to make the decision to stop thinking about them and put my energy to better use for myself, my family and my community.

I tried to help them understand transphobia and how they weren’t being inclusive, but my words were falling on deaf ears. After a few days of being affected by their actions, some sleepless nights and awful dreams, I had to make the decision to stop thinking about them and put my energy to better use for myself, my family and my community.

I for one would far sooner live my intentional life, focus on my future and not waste away my minutes feeling sorry for myself or blaming others for my plights. To wallow is in direct contradiction of feeling empowered and I for one choose empowerment.

Are you ready to take control of your life? Are you ready to celebrate this one life you’ve been given? Join me and let’s take a closer look at what it could mean to celebrate you!